The rain on your parade

Be Karachi August 20, 2009

Contributing editor Cyma writes about the age old Karachi vs. Lahore debate.

You know what they say about Lahore: Lahore Lahore hai. That statement basically tells you a few things. One that Lahoree’s simply happened to patent that line before any Pekhawarites or Karachi walas did. Two; that many statements like that don’t really mean anything if you come right down it. Three that statement can be used negatively any time of day. I could probably go on with a list of reasons that tell you why Lahore Lahore is. But you get where I’m going with this.

I have nothing against Lahoree people apart from the slight fact that they all consider Karachi-wala’s mean and selfish. This is quite a lot like a farmer from the potato fields of Iowa considers a Manhattan based New Yorker mean and selfish. What was that I hear? The grapes are sour you say? Precisely. Have I gone too far with the potato fields in Iowa analogy, perhaps. But you cannot love your home town enough and be a true Karachiite unless you happen to be unnecessarily, unfairly proud of it.

The other day while out getting a really late dinner, I become a little choosy while ordering my low calorie version of a chicken recipe. A Lahoree bloke on the table breaks into a hearty laugh.“God! You are such a true Karachi HITE…” yes people you heard that right – Karachi-Hite. Yet I was kind enough not to stop him and correct him. So basically just because I’m trying to eat healthy it seems I should apologize for it since there is no such concept in Lahore?

Another time, a guy came up and he goes: “I don’t mean it as an insult, and I’m not talking about you in particular, but Karachi girls are real bitches.” Can you believe that? When did that happen? When did Karachiites become so much of a threat to mankind? I’ll leave you to decide who the mean and selfish one here is (hint: Not Me). Either way, enough about Lahoree’s.

Oh dear dear dear Karachi. The sand, the sea – albeit a little uncared for but still – the sea none-the-less. I needed sea shells for my home décor a while back and being a Karachiite you do take sea shells for granted. Then you come to Lahore and realize with some amount of sadness that sea shells can be costly and hard to find where there are no seas in sight. Zamzama with all its sensational glory and the taste conscious food palates of the people in general – I could go on and on. The parties at French Beach where you could sit by the sand for hours and feel the fresh breeze just blow, soothing your nerves and the remnants of any stress and depression in your relationships in the real world. The raves which you attended by mistake only to end up trying to stop your friends from popping strange pills, which in fact, made you look like an ultimate party popper.

Those were the days huh? Yes. They were. I’ll be writing more = )

hush cat August 12, 2009

there is, near the karachi central jail, an institution known as the city foundation grammar school. in a city which boasts the unmatchable bilingually named saint dawood school (on dalmiya road) this is hardly remarkable. but the amalgamation of the names of three of the better known schools is reflective of a practice that would seem absolutely incredible to an observer if he didn’t know its pakistan. the story is told of the guy who started a school but didn’t know what to name it. impressed by the reputations of the convents in karachi but at the same time frustrated that every conceivable saint already has a house of learning dedicated to his or her memory in the metropolis and also the fact that he couldn’t figure out who was the patron saint of successful schools, he is said to have thrown a book at the wall and exclaimed (rather cryptically, i might add) “sab sainton ki aisee ki taisee“. the next day a man came to the premises and painted the name all saints high school on the boundary wall. but if that was wierd for you, i wonder what your reaction to haji parwaiz primer and secundry school (air condishun) would be.

the climbing on to established and successful brands is a phenomenon not restricted to the nomenclature of institutes of learning. ever since the mahrose beauty parlour franchise became a hit, there has been an almost epidemic sprouting up of denting/painting centres for women in khi-town with names like rose, red rose, white rose, dil rose, rose bud, china rose and even tube rose – not to mention jasmine, tulip, orchid and of course, gulaab. near the traditional famly seat in nazimabad a guy opened up what we call a marriage lawn or shadi hall in the mid nineties called sona lawn. several years later the plot next to it also got converted to a marriage lawn and was named, rather imaginatively, chandi lawn. a few years after that, there was much mirth when we noticed that the plot on the other side was also being converted into a similar institution and we wondered what the name would be. the owner did not disappoint. he called it white gold lawn. if you set up a successful eatery called, for example, alauddin khilji tikka corner (aktc), you can bet your best tikkas that there will be a new-aktc and aktc (paposh branch) or aktc original hussainabad branch before the year is out. a guy set up an open air karhai place near toll plaza on superhighway a few years ago with traditional charpai or manji seating arrangements. now there is a whole range of such places to choose from with at least three bearing the same name on a 5km stretch. the fast food phenomenon that was kaybees resulted in a hundred pushcarts offering everything from kaybees bhutta to kaybees biryani to kaybees haleem. but as impacts go, no one had the impact to match that of what was arguably karachi’s first authentic fast food joint, mr. burger. not only did it spawn a whole range of mr. broasts, mr. haleems and mr. tikkas, every commercial area had a “mr. something” in it, including – but not limited to – mr. laundry, mr. autos, mr. video and even mr. karate. in fact, there were even a few misses to come out of it, like ms. lace and ms. darzee.

footwear has a special place in the pakistani wardrobe. not just the “english” shoe for men and eighties-style stiletto heel for women, which virtually everyone wears, every conceivable style of shoe except the wooden dutch clog is available in pakistan. this includes among other foreign imports (in terms of style), the traditional peshawari, the bright gold and flashy types, the kholapurees, the chappals, the sandals, the qainchi, the khussas, etc. since the days when english boot house was the only flash place to buy shoes from if you didn’t like bata and servis, we have seen american boot house, german boot house, english shoe house and french boot house among others. and then came the foreign brands. when the nineties were reaching an end, there was a whole bunch of people dying to differentiate themselves from the proletariat by wearing something cooler. this was especially true of the school going crowd who could only express their peacock colours in their shoes because schools in karachi, by and large, enforce strict policies on uniforms and accessories. the three biggest brands that made it to the mainstream market were pierre cardin, caterpillar and of course, hush puppies.

hush puppies achieved what would be called platinum in the music record industry when they launched the suede sandals and chappals that are so common on pakistani feet these days. and perhaps it was this that prompted the appearance of a new brand. i have no idea if this is true but the story goes that when the factory was being set up to make the shoes that are supplied not only to the manufacturer’s own retail outlets but several shoe stores across town (i know fitrite stocks them on tariq road and several others do so in haideri and saddar) the proprietor decided to name his range hush kitties as the natural answer to the impure puppies (muslims consider dogs and pigs to be impure). his son, though, advised him to go one up with the words “kitties kyun, un ki bhi maa lay aatay hain“. and so came hush cat.

you gotta love the thought process. so much for branding strategy.

when i enter the footwear industry, i will do so by opening a high end peshawari chappal shoe store in the heart of karachi to usher in a new era of pukhtoon-urdu speaking peace and brotherhood. it will be called lush pushies.

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my stories and anecdotes are based on folklore you hear about town. they may not be completely accurate but they give the history that touch which makes it more, well, magical. if you do have the right dope, though – please do share. we at the abbas by two will find a way to make it fun.